Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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