I must be too annoying 4 u.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
