alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize