You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
