I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
