You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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