What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
