so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
