Three words: puerto rican gang bang
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
