this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize