i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
