oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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