worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
