I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize