Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
