Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
