my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
