His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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