Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
