Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
