I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
