your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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