friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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