I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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