Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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