You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
wow bdsm is so cute
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
