Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
