Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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