i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
