dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
