Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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