That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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