I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my poor anus
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
