she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
