yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize