just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
