I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
