btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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