i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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