i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
