Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
