Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
