You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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