My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize