OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
