I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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