i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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