Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
