OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
