my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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