Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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