Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
