I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
