you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
