I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
