just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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