my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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