So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
