smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
