Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
