Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
