I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
