you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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