yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
