Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what day is it and did you see me today?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize