I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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