You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
