my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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