Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
