I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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