I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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