Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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