She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bring me that man meat
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
