So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
