Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
