Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
