I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
