I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
