new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
