we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
