I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
