had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
