I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's always time for handjobs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
