You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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