Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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